Pre-Event Preparation

As a routine, I remind myself to think of three interesting or relevant topics to discuss while I drive down the mountain. I also prepare a generic response for when someone asks, “How’s your summer?” Instead of being overly candid, I now respond with a more pleasant, “Never been better, thanks—how about you?” On days when I’m struggling but still want to maintain social decorum, I reassure myself quietly: “I’m alive and present, so that counts for something, right?”

When heading out for meals with friends or acquaintances, I make a point to recall when I last interacted with them and what was happening in their lives, so I can bring it up in conversation. As I approach the venue, I focus on a landmark or shop that signals me to take a deep breath, loosen my shoulders, and mentally review my conversation starters.

Initial Arrival

Ideally, I prefer not to sit with my back facing an open area, particularly where people might pass closely. More crucial is finding a seat that allows me to exit swiftly without causing disruption. My goal is to avoid feeling trapped or exposed while remaining inconspicuous.

Of course, this varies depending on my company. For instance, when I’m with my partner, who is curious and observant, my anxiety diminishes significantly. In her presence, I feel secure.

My Social Spectrum

Research suggests that we all exist on a spectrum; few individuals are entirely introverted or extroverted. In my case, I can be socially skilled and even seem outgoing in public settings. Yet, I can’t maintain that energy for long, and over the years, I’ve learned some valuable lessons about my limits.

Time Constraints

For those who don't face this challenge, my following insights may sound absurd or reminiscent of obsessive-compulsive behavior. I recognize that my time with different groups of people is limited.

• Maximum 2 hours: For unfamiliar individuals or those I dislike.
• Maximum 4 hours: With acquaintances sharing common interests.
• 6 hours or more: With my closest friends.

The 30-Minute Exit Strategy

Though I’ve outlined time limits, I haven’t discussed my ideal conditions or the consequences of exceeding those limits. In my earlier years, I mastered the art of the 30-minute visit. Upon arriving at an event, I would greet the host enthusiastically, say how wonderful everything looked, and then leave shortly after, ensuring to follow up with a thank-you message.

I fondly remember those times when I could attend multiple events in one night without truly being present at any of them—perfect for social obligations I didn’t enjoy.

Consequences of Overstay

Things take a turn for the worse when I linger beyond my established time limits. My humor and social graces fade, and I become restless. Maintaining composure requires immense effort, and I can feel my engagement slipping away. In a matter of seconds, I transition from friendly to irritable, with no return in sight. I just need to escape.

Worse still, if I do extend my stay, I face a wave of exhaustion afterward—physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. The recovery period can stretch for days, making the prospect of social interaction seem unbearable.

The One Exception

Throughout my life, there has always been one exception to these social dynamics: my partner, soon to be my wife. With her, I don’t experience that overwhelming urge to flee. If I can spend extended time together without prior exhaustion from others, I find myself wishing for even more time with her.

So, what about you? If you’ve read this far, you may identify as an introvert or have someone close to you who is. I invite you to share your insights and experiences. If you feel inspired to write about your journey, please drop a comment—I’d love to read it!