Chapter 1: Understanding Happiness

Happiness isn’t something that simply arrives at your doorstep; rather, it’s something that needs to be nurtured. It represents a journey rather than a final destination.

If you find yourself feeling persistently unfulfilled or lacking joy, know that you are not alone. Many people view happiness as a distant goal—something they must achieve, like landing a particular job or rekindling a past relationship. This perspective turns happiness into a conditional state. Without attaining that dream job, perfect home, or ideal partner, we often feel undeserving of joy.

In truth, happiness is one of the six fundamental emotions recognized globally. It's not something we learn through instruction; it’s a natural response we exhibit from a young age. Yet, as we transition into adulthood, this once-simple emotion can feel elusive. In my role as a crisis responder at Kids Help Phone in Canada, I frequently ask individuals, “When was the last time you felt genuinely happy?” Many reply with uncertainty, saying, “I don’t know.”

A significant obstacle to experiencing happiness is comparison. You might enjoy a delicious dessert that brings you joy—until you scroll through social media and see someone vacationing in a picturesque location. In an instant, that dessert loses its appeal.

As an aspiring psychotherapist, it intrigues me how often we overlook the fact that happiness isn’t something we should seek externally. Instead, it’s something we can cultivate internally. Each of us has a toolkit for happiness—not the kind you use for home repairs, but a collection of energy boosters and energy drainers. Identifying what brings you joy is crucial for consistently experiencing happiness.

For instance, if I were managing a health condition like diabetes, I would keep track of my sugar levels and take my medication as prescribed. However, if I were unhappy, would I monitor my happiness levels? Likely not. I might instead blame external circumstances. This is where we often falter. No one owes us happiness; we cannot rely on others to enhance our well-being. The uncertainty of life should teach us that true happiness is an internal experience.

Everyone should have their own happiness toolkit—a variety of activities that spark joy or fulfill lifelong desires. This could include cooking, organizing, reading, or socializing with friends.

For those stuck in unhappy relationships or unsatisfactory workplaces, finding joy can be particularly challenging. This is where therapy plays a vital role. Therapy allows us to process our emotions and break through barriers from a new perspective. To reclaim your happiness, you must take the initiative; no one is going to simply grant it to you. Even Cinderella’s magic had limitations.

Another vital aspect to consider is the connection between mind and body. If you frequently feel down, reflect on these seven questions:

1. Did I get enough rest?
2. Am I staying hydrated?
3. Have I eaten nutritious meals?
4. Am I limiting my screen time?
5. Have I engaged in physical activity?
6. Have I discussed my health with someone?
7. Am I practicing self-compassion?

If you find yourself answering “No” to many of these questions, don't expect happiness to come knocking at your door. The time to pursue joy is now.

In this video, titled Happiness Won't Come Knocking on Your Door… You Need to Go Looking for it!, the speaker emphasizes that happiness is an active pursuit rather than a passive experience. They explore strategies for seeking joy in everyday life.

Chapter 2: Building Your Happiness Toolkit

The second video, Happiness Isn't Complicated! 8 Simple Pleasures to Enjoy After 60, offers insights into straightforward ways to find joy, particularly as we age. The speaker presents eight easy activities that can lead to increased happiness and fulfillment.