A Life Full of Experience — Tammy’s Story

During our phone interview, I caught up with Tammy, having previously met her for an in-depth conversation about her experiences as detailed in the book.

> Tammy is the kind of person who is honest and supportive.

Her narrative takes us back to her teenage years, where she experimented with various substances, though she never resorted to needles. Thankfully, Tammy did not possess an addictive personality. She appeared older than her age and associated with a crowd that frequently drank and used drugs, which clouded her judgment. As she matured and became a mother, she began to reflect on her past choices, grappling with anger and resentment about her earlier decisions.

Tammy graduated as a nurse in 1989 but took years to venture into the detox field. Her experiences from her first marriage, marked by her husband's struggles with addiction, heavily influenced her perspective. Initially, their relationship was filled with substance abuse, but she stopped using drugs and alcohol upon becoming pregnant, while her partner continued.

The gravity of her situation hit hard when her husband assaulted her while she was eight and a half months pregnant. Looking back, she believes she should have ended the relationship then, but her youth and emotional entanglement clouded her judgment. As his substance use escalated, she finally decided to leave when she discovered him using intravenous drugs at a party. Despite her departure, his addiction spiraled further, leading to a tragic end—he died in prison from AIDS, leaving Tammy to care for their two small children amidst the stigma of the disease in the 1980s.

Tammy chose not to take her children to visit their father in prison, fearing it would be detrimental to their well-being. The controlling nature of her ex-husband left her isolated from friends and family, especially after relocating to a new state where she had no support network. His family's rigid beliefs only compounded her struggles, as they refused to acknowledge the abuse.

> Once, her husband violently confronted her in their car, leading to his arrest.

After seeking refuge with her in-laws, she returned to find her belongings destroyed and burned, a painful reminder of her turbulent past.

One of her children now grapples with alcohol and mental health challenges, a direct consequence of the trauma Tammy endured. Leaving her marriage shattered her self-esteem; she moved in with her mother and stepfather, taking years to break free from unhealthy relationships. She focused on raising her children and going to school, determined to create a stable environment free from abuse.

Tammy emphasizes that many people fail to comprehend why victims stay in such relationships—often, they have lost their self-worth. Her ex-husband's cruel words echoed in her mind: “You are worth nothing; nobody would want you with two kids.” She explains that manipulators use such tactics to control their partners, making it difficult for them to escape.

Tammy's turning point came when she feared for her children's safety. After witnessing her husband behave dangerously towards their son, she knew it was time to leave, despite her children's inability to recall the violence in their home.

> Her history has equipped her to better understand others grappling with addiction and mental health issues.

Tammy believes that love and support often fall short when dealing with addiction; ultimately, the responsibility lies with the addict. She has had to guide others to recognize that sometimes, doing nothing is the best course of action.

Reflecting on her experiences, Tammy feels that her past hardships have positioned her to help others. She recalls a poignant encounter with a young woman in detox from heroin, whose severe abscesses illustrated the devastating impact of addiction. The treatment process was painful, yet it underscored to Tammy the urgency of addressing addiction.

Tammy also shares a memory of a middle-aged man battling addiction, whom she challenged to confront the reality of his situation. Their dark humor during their interaction highlighted the complexity of addiction and its grip on individuals.

Years later, when he returned clean and employed, it reinforced to Tammy the importance of resilience and hope in recovery.

Working with pregnant addicts has been particularly challenging for her, as many return to substance use shortly after giving birth. She stresses the need for better support systems and resources for these women, highlighting the lack of adequate help for those facing such circumstances.

Tammy expresses frustration over society's stigmatization of addiction and mental health, viewing them as neglected issues. She argues that prevention should be prioritized, with education about addiction starting from a young age.

> The conversation needs to extend to families and the community.

In her view, both addiction and mental health are intertwined, with many individuals battling both issues simultaneously. Tammy believes it's crucial to treat the whole person, addressing underlying problems that contribute to addiction.

Her personal struggle with food addiction resonates with her professional insights. She recognizes that addiction manifests in various forms, and the mental battle can be just as challenging as the physical one.

Tammy highlights the pervasive nature of unhealthy eating habits in society, suggesting that early education could prevent future issues. She advocates for comprehensive addiction education, akin to past initiatives aimed at reducing littering.

In conclusion, Tammy urges for more accessible treatment options and an understanding that addiction's roots often lie in environmental factors and peer influences. She recognizes the importance of community and support in combating these challenges.

Thank you for reading, Gabriella