Understanding Self-Forgiveness

One of the primary steps I took was to forgive myself for my past decisions and the divorce itself. Without self-forgiveness, I felt paralyzed, unable to progress. My choices, albeit well-intentioned, inadvertently affected my children, and this weighed heavily on my conscience. I believed I was trying to hold our family together, but my efforts were misdirected.

While my ex-husband's behavior, including his struggles with alcohol, was troubling, my ongoing forgiveness of his poor choices was detrimental to my own well-being. I wanted to believe in his potential for goodness and thought that my loyalty during tough times was commendable. Yet, this mindset only unveiled darker aspects of my personality, leading to regretful actions and words that perpetuated a toxic cycle.

A pivotal moment came during a session with my marriage counselor, who offered me a profound insight: “Colleen, your greatest strength can also become your greatest weakness. Your excessive caring was detrimental to your relationship.” This realization helped me to break free from self-blame, as I recognized that my compassionate nature had played a role in my missteps.

My counselor also reminded me of the importance of perspective. “Colleen, you’ve mentioned that you believe everything happens for a reason. Could it be that this experience is part of your children’s journey too?” This shifted my focus from guilt to acceptance, allowing me to embrace my spirituality.

Rediscovering My Core Values

Next, I needed to identify the qualities that made me appreciate myself prior to my divorce. This was equally challenging, as I had lost touch with my identity amidst the turmoil. The cycle of marital discord dragged on for far too long, culminating in a prolonged divorce that left me feeling like a shadow of my former self.

For a while, I attempted to project happiness, but it felt forced. Then came an epiphany: my self-worth wasn't anchored in my professional accomplishments or social skills, but rather in my core values. I realized that my true essence lies in my commitment to kindness and integrity—qualities that guide my actions daily.

As I reflected on my journey, I recognized that I had been too focused on external validation rather than nurturing my inner self. I needed to return to the foundational values that instilled confidence in me, rather than dwell on past mistakes.

Choosing Supportive Relationships

Finally, I learned the importance of surrounding myself with people who genuinely cared for me. During my divorce, I consciously made my social circle smaller. The experience of divorce can often lead to rifts in friendships, and I found myself grappling with my self-image.

While I had a supportive network of family and friends who stood by me, I also encountered individuals who were judgmental, making my healing process more challenging. As I once shared, “Anyone who leaves you at your worst never truly loved you at your best.” This truth resonated deeply, highlighting the emotional toll of negative influences.

To stabilize my emotional well-being, I heeded my counselor's advice to limit my interactions to those who cherished me for who I am. This shift allowed me to foster connections with individuals who recognized my worth and supported my healing journey.

Conclusion: A Journey Toward Self-Love

These three steps—self-forgiveness, rediscovering my core values, and surrounding myself with supportive people—were crucial in my journey to forgive and love myself again. During the darkest days of my divorce, I felt utterly depleted and lost, questioning whether I could ever reclaim self-love.

Yet, I am here to offer hope. Relationships can lead us to lose ourselves in the name of love, but true love does not require self-sacrifice. I have forgiven myself, and I have found love within once more. You can, too.