Chapter 1: A Journey of Reflection

Six years ago, while riding a public bus in Istanbul with my sister, I gazed out at the stunning historical scenery. The moment felt serene and warm, as if I were experiencing life anew. I finally felt a sense of calm, letting the sunlight warm my skin. However, tranquility is often fleeting. My sister, watching me intently, seemed hesitant to express her thoughts.

After a few minutes, her frustration bubbled over. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked, unable to hold back any longer.

I replied, “What do you mean?”

She continued, “Fifteen years ago, you took off to China all alone at just nineteen. You learned Mandarin in eight months, went to college, juggled multiple jobs, and thrived. So why do you seem so stuck now, like a machine that’s disconnected? You used to be my inspiration, but now… what’s happening?”

This conversation made me ponder a common struggle: the burden of meeting others' expectations, even when we’re facing our own battles. A significant challenge in stepping back from life’s pressures is dealing with the immediate judgments of those closest to us. It’s no surprise that many of us resist unplugging, pushing through until we eventually break down. My sister didn’t grasp the toll that fifteen years in Shanghai had taken on me. While I appeared fine on the outside, I was quietly grappling with my mental health after years of relentless self-exertion.

Returning to Turkey, I felt utterly depleted. In the final years in Shanghai, the stress and poor nutrition had led to significant weight loss and financial setbacks. I lost my marriage and, most critically, my sense of self, direction, and confidence.

Leaving Shanghai was a tough choice. For years, I took pride in enduring all challenges, dismissing the advice to take a “warrior’s break” and simply breathe. Yet there I was, nearly broken, gazing out of a bus window, trying to find a semblance of life.

We often push ourselves to the brink, fearing we’ll fall behind if we pause. However, in doing so, we lose more than just energy; we lose our connection to reality and ourselves. Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is heed that inner voice urging us to rest before we reach a breaking point.

My sister, with the best intentions, continued, “Look at my journey. I came from war-torn Syria and had to adapt quickly to survive. I learned Turkish, found employment, and started a small business. You need to take action; what are you waiting for?”

I gazed into her passionate eyes and replied, “Sister, I’ve walked your path many times, but right now, I’m exhausted.” I then turned my attention back to the window, observing the interplay of light through the trees upon the ancient structures.

This exchange illuminated another challenge: being evaluated by someone else’s standards without them understanding our unique needs. The exhaustion I felt wasn’t solely physical. When we take time off and don’t rebound immediately, it’s often because we’ve lost our sense of purpose. The journey to rediscover ourselves is personal and cannot be measured against others.

My sister, like many well-meaning individuals, is both kind and accomplished. Yet, such well-intentioned advice can sometimes be more harmful than helpful.

For two years, I stripped my life down to its essentials. I rented a modest room with a large window in a tranquil area, focusing on nurturing my mind. Each day, I walked by the sea, letting the waves’ soothing rhythm calm my spirit. I prepared simple, healthy meals and took my time washing dishes. I kept my small space tidy, making my bed with care and organization.

I embraced a slower pace, appreciating how the light danced through the leaves and admiring the craftsmanship of ancient windows. My aim was not to socialize excessively or chase financial success; I simply wanted to detach from the burdens weighing me down and cease living within my own turmoil. I yearned to inhale the freshness of nature rather than the smoke of my inner struggles.

Image created by author using MidJourney

This period of simplification revealed a profound truth: healing doesn’t come from overcoming life’s challenges but from stepping back, reassessing, and envisioning a new life. That’s when clarity emerges, allowing us to discern what we should carry forward and what we need to release.

No, I wasn’t financially secure, but I found peace within myself. I learned that I didn’t need to share every detail of my life with my family and could disregard discussions about my future or expectations. I needed to heal on my own terms. It’s my life and my mental well-being, not theirs. When conversations veered into negativity, I would gently redirect them, urging others to appreciate the beauty around us.

Taking a step back doesn’t imply that we’re not taking life seriously or that we can’t achieve our goals. We still feel the weight of our responsibilities. At that juncture, I wasn’t ignoring my life’s difficulties; I simply didn’t want to confront them all at once. I wanted to be present and tackle life one step at a time. The immense expectations I placed upon myself and those imposed by others had driven me to the brink. I realized that continuing on that path would ensnare me in a cycle of despair, and I needed to break free.

I required time to heal my spirit, to reflect, and to gather the strength to move forward. My time in Istanbul wasn’t a luxury; it was a necessity for my survival. I wasn’t escaping; I was stepping away from negativity that hindered my well-being and only added to my stress. My soul communicated to my mind and body, “Do this now, or we’re finished.”

Those two years imparted the most vital lesson of my life. True courage isn’t about taking risks, impressing others through action, or striving for peak performance in any circumstance. Authentic courage lies in recognizing when to step back, even amidst the pressures to move forward.

When you find yourself battling against the tide but feel yourself faltering, it’s not bravery; it’s a response to external expectations that may not align with your readiness. Life isn’t about who can push the hardest or the longest; it’s about knowing when to exert effort with intention and mindfulness. Without time for healing and rest, I would have never regained my clarity and sense of purpose.

Taking a step back from the chaos and pressure is not a sign of weakness; it’s an emblem of wisdom. It empowers you to advance with bravery, face life with assurance, and cultivate mental resilience. Sometimes, the most potent action you can take is to pause, reflect, and grant yourself the grace to begin anew. I have learned that this is the true strength that propels you forward. Cheers!

The first video titled "Have Courage and Be Fearless" encourages viewers to embrace their fears and highlights the importance of stepping out of comfort zones to find true strength.

The second video, "How I Got the Courage to Stop Hiding with Diane Rolston," shares personal stories of overcoming fear and the journey toward self-acceptance and courage.