Embracing Empathy: Why I Still Care in My 40s
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Understanding the Shift in Perspective
In recent years, I've heard numerous women share their experiences through TED talks, social media, and casual discussions about what they refuse to tolerate as they enter their 40s. The themes are quite similar, focusing on establishing boundaries and disregarding others' opinions. While I consider myself adept at setting boundaries, I still grapple with the latter; I remain deeply affected by how others perceive me.
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Section 1.1 The Internal Battle
I've engaged in a mental tug-of-war to achieve a mindset free from external judgment. Logically, I know, from various readings and lectures—particularly Stephen Covey's concept of concentrating on one's circle of influence—that being overly concerned with others' opinions is unreasonable. This is especially true when those opinions originate from individuals lacking integrity. A guiding quote I kept visible during my supervisory role was, “Never accept the opinion of someone whose advice you wouldn’t take.” Yet, I found that I needed a daily reminder to prevent myself from spiraling into self-doubt.
Subsection 1.1.1 The Nature of Concern
While I don’t worry about superficial judgments related to my appearance or identity, my concern lies with how I am perceived in terms of character and leadership. Even at 45, I find myself affected by the mere thought of negative feedback. I watch other women confidently dismissing such opinions and wonder, “Why can’t I do that? Is something wrong with me?”
Section 1.2 Growth in Other Areas
Contrary to the notion that intelligence decreases with age, I feel mine has only grown. I've been honing my skills in business management and effective leadership, surprising myself with my progress in meetings. I mentor individuals from various backgrounds and have even been told that I’ve played a role in their personal development. I share valuable life lessons with my children, nurturing their growth into independent thinkers. Yet, a single negative comment about my character can send me into a tailspin. The frequency with which my husband, who is also my closest friend, has to help me navigate these emotions is somewhat humiliating.
Chapter 2 The Weight of Empathy
In the video "40 Harsh Truths I Know at 40 but Wish I Knew at 20," the speaker delves into the tough lessons learned along the way, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance and resilience.
Similarly, "5 Life-Changing Levels of Not Giving a F*ck" explores the transformative journey towards letting go of unnecessary worries about others' opinions, advocating for a life of authenticity.
Despite my achievements and the positive feedback I've received, the opinions of those I wouldn’t consult for advice still linger in my mind. Why does it take so long for me to move on from these criticisms? With all I’ve accomplished, it seems illogical for their views to hold weight. The only reason I can deduce is that I possess a strong empathetic nature.
Being an empath is not a formal diagnosis, but it's a term widely recognized. There are varying degrees of empathy, and it plays a vital role in leadership. A leader lacking empathy is far from ideal. While I value my empathetic traits for their ability to foster trust and understanding, they sometimes feel like a burden. I internalize others' emotions, even if I don't outwardly express this in professional settings.
The Gift and Curse of Empathy
I genuinely appreciate many aspects of being an empath; it allows me to connect with others and advocate for my team. People often confide in me, drawn by my ability to reflect their feelings. I share in their joy, excitement, and even their sorrow. However, this heightened sensitivity can also be why I struggle to disregard others' opinions. If a friend stops communicating with me, I don't dismiss it as "their loss." Instead, I find myself analyzing past interactions, questioning if I said or did something wrong.
Research indicates that empaths tend to be highly sensitive, absorbing others' emotions. This characteristic complicates the notion of not caring; how can one let go when their very essence is to deeply engage with the feelings of others? My education and experiences have not been able to override this intrinsic trait.
Coping with Empathy in My 40s
I never anticipated that my ability to connect with others would also serve as a hindrance to my mental well-being. While I aspire to adopt the carefree attitude that seems to come with turning 40, it may not be in the cards for me. My best option is to learn to cope and find balance. I'm open to suggestions. For now, understanding why I continue to care deeply even in my 40s offers a bit of comfort. Who knows? Perhaps in a year, I'll pen an article titled "How I Finally Stopped Caring!"