Chapter 1: The Journey to Clarity Through Abstinence

In conversations with my cousins in Ireland, I've often heard them say, "I've taken the pledge," while they sip Sprite in a pub corner. I enjoy playfully using this teetotaler phrase, especially for the theatrical flair it adds to my accent practice. This year, my aim wasn’t necessarily to achieve "sobriety," but rather to gain clarity in my life. As someone who tends to be overly sensitive—a truly porous individual—this decision to abstain was perhaps my most impactful one in 2023.

I communicated this shift in my behavior to my family and friends, but until now, I had refrained from sharing it widely online. Why? Firstly, I believe it's unhealthy to overly identify with any single habit. Secondly, I was still in the process of understanding the deeper benefits of my alcohol-free lifestyle, aside from the obvious health improvements and the joy of not feeling unwell.

After a year without alcohol, I discovered the concept of "esteemable acts"—small, consistent behaviors that build self-trust over time. Committing to my life’s purpose through embodiment and poetry made it clear that eliminating alcohol was the best way to foster connection in my life. I had a tendency to suppress my feelings, striving to appear untroubled and stoic, even though I was inherently sensitive. As I navigated PTSD recovery through somatic therapy, acupuncture, dance, and breath work, it became clear that I needed to release the very substance designed to numb my emotions. To truly embrace my artistic identity, I realized I had to be authentic in every aspect of my life.

During "Dry January," I think it's crucial for those exploring sobriety to not only dismantle the stigma associated with drinking but also to challenge the notions of purity surrounding alcohol. Choosing to abstain is merely one option within a wide array of possibilities.

Abstinence is not about achieving perfection.

What I’ve come to understand is that abstinence isn’t synonymous with perfection. It’s about establishing personal boundaries and adhering to them. Like all mindfulness practices, it involves nurturing intention and feeling empowered by your choices. Being disciplined means being a disciple to your own values.

For instance, will I label myself as having "failed" for enjoying a glass of champagne in Paris, sharing a half pint of Guinness with family in Ireland, or savoring a glass of wine in Lisbon with my closest friends? Absolutely not. Those were infrequent decisions made throughout the year. The self-trust I’ve cultivated feels invigorating; I no longer undermine my own intentions.

My relationship with alcohol has transformed, and I now affirm that I've lost the desire to drink, recognizing its adverse effects on my body and spirit. However, fostering self-trust also requires flexibility, resilience, and ultimately, the ability to release the tight grip I've had on myself.

This leads to a second realization I’ve gained from my alcohol-free journey:

The mindfulness principle of being able to "set something down" can liberate us and propel us forward.

On my 34th birthday, while dancing with friends, I accepted a shot of Grey Goose. After one sip, I detested it and simply set it down. The act of letting go was a profound moment of freedom; I didn’t overthink it, I just listened to my instincts and moved on without regret.

We don’t need to carry the weight of our challenges, bad habits, or burdens with us at all times. The ability to set something down applies to our choices as well. If we make a decision we regret, we can let it go, learn from the experience, and move forward. There’s no need to chastise ourselves for not being perfect. Embracing change—the gift of moving on—can be incredibly liberating.

For 33 years, I held onto a mental checklist of my mistakes, using it as ammunition for self-criticism. What kind of dark narcissism convinced me that I was unworthy of the same compassion I extended to others? I am human, not a flawed deity.

Section 1.1: The Stigma of Sobriety

The societal perceptions surrounding sobriety can create unnecessary pressure.

Chapter 2: Insights from a Year of Abstinence

In this insightful video, we explore the impacts of alcohol on the body, brain, and overall health, shedding light on why many choose to abstain.

This video shares valuable lessons learned from a year of sobriety, emphasizing personal growth and the transformative power of abstaining.