Chapter 1: The Joy of Being Chosen

It’s not just about the music.

When an upbeat and lively tune fills the room, I noticed him making his way directly to me. With a hopeful smile, he extended his hand and asked, “Would you like to dance?”

Our eyes locked, and I could sense his genuine enthusiasm to dance with me. A skilled swing dancer, he could have shared the floor with anyone else, but the moment that song started, he chose me.

We took to the dance floor and shared an exhilarating experience. His joy in dancing with me was evident, which only boosted my excitement. He led me through the dance with vigor, and I was proud to hold my own.

What struck me was his choice; he could have stayed with his partner or danced with friends, yet he sought me out despite the options available. After our dance, I felt a warm glow inside.

The Essence of Being Selected

Women cherish the feeling of being chosen. Whether it’s an invitation to dance, a date proposal, or a marriage proposal, it all boils down to one core sentiment: He picked me.

The pinnacle of this experience is a marriage proposal, where a woman feels chosen for life. This act signifies commitment and a sense of security.

Every woman harbors a desire for this sense of safety. We instinctively gravitate towards men who exhibit strength, protection, and leadership, even if we are fully capable of taking care of ourselves. This inclination is embedded within us.

Being chosen by someone we trust and admire fosters a sense of security, suggesting a potential for ongoing selection, possibly culminating in the ultimate security of marriage.

Let’s take a step back, though. The little gestures of being chosen also hold significant value.

Simply asking a woman to dance can create immense joy and make her feel special, especially if you’ve invested effort into being a dancer she enjoys partnering with.

Being selected by the best dancer in the venue is a thrilling experience. :)

I frequently engage in partner dancing, and I’ve observed that women who aren’t frequently asked to dance often exude a deflated energy until they receive an invitation — then their spirits lift as they step onto the dance floor. The joy of being chosen transforms their demeanor.

Why Being Selected Matters

The act of being chosen, even in minor moments, can have profound effects. It might help alleviate stress, affirm our self-worth, or create a sense of belonging. Being selected can elevate us above the crowd of those still waiting to be picked, soothing lingering doubts about our desirability, especially amidst a sea of seemingly superior options.

Women often yearn to be chosen by friends for social gatherings. We want someone to invite us to join them, to engage with us in a bustling environment. We are wired for connection, and even a brief moment of being selected fulfills that need.

Ultimately, being chosen speaks to a deeper human struggle: worthiness. Many of us carry the scars from our school days, especially those awkward gym class moments when we awaited our turn to be selected for teams, questioning our own worth. This haunting question remains: Am I good enough?

When we are chosen, the answer becomes an emphatic yes.

The Core of Feeling Secure

A fundamental need for safety and security is met when we are chosen by those we trust, admire, or respect. These elements — trust, admiration, and respect — are crucial.

Achieving the status of someone others trust and respect requires effort. If the person asking me to dance lacked skill, I would not have felt excited about being "chosen" by him; I might have declined his offer.

Nonetheless, it still feels nice to be asked. :)

Each of us must cultivate skills, develop good character, and strive for high standards and principles.

Being selected by someone without high standards may not hold much value. It’s a significant compliment to be chosen by someone with elevated criteria, suggesting that we meet their expectations.

This dynamic works both ways.

As we endeavor to become the best versions of ourselves, we become the individuals others wish to choose — potentially inspiring them to elevate their own standards as well. Conversely, we increase our chances of being chosen by those we admire.

Even if it’s just for a three-minute dance that lights up your night.